Hey friends, It’s 1:30 in the morning, I had one of my biggest losing sessions of my life.. and amidst the largest “downswing” of my life at totaling close to $400,000 now in the past few months afte
You and I are around the same age, I just turned 24. I work for a full time professional gambling group and would call the last two years in this group as super successful. We have these conversations extremely often.
I occasionally will play in high stakes home games in Chicago. Two nights ago I lost more than I’ve ever lost (30k+), by getting sucked out on over and over again. The most maddening thing was the rich guys I was playing with didn’t even notice or really care, they just had a “that’s gambling” mentality. That car ride back was awful.
The only thing that keeps me grounded through these events is my perspective on life, and my faith. Being a Christian is a huge part of my life. God has reassured me that if I make the choice, everything I do will be used for a purpose. And ultimately, I will join him in heaven one day. It’s also crucial to have guys around you who can see the situation with clarity while you’re in the middle of it.
I look back on other times I’ve felt this way, and God has always gotten me through it, and then some. It’s funny you talk about having $2000 in 1/2 because that’s exactly what I had when I started grinding in college. And I’ll never forget the night I lost every dollar of it. I’m so thankful that instead of doing something rash to make the money back, I clung to my faith.
Stay strong, and if it starts to take too much of a take on you it’s never wrong to take a break.
This is so insanely disingenuous. How about you talk about the high rake games you promote with the likes of Mariano on ClubGG which actually allow you to play these stakes? The million plus dollars you’ve bled from your fans and supporters. After all what better way to launder the money than to play high stakes poker on the biggest streams around. Make no mistakes, this is no different than the “pros” of yesteryear who’s full tilt sponsorship allowed them to gamble for the living that lead the masses to believe it was sustainable to travel the world playing 10k’s. Perhaps these feelings are actually your conscience that’s weighing heavy.
I'm a fan of your content. I admire your willingness and ability to move up in stakes so rapidly. Try a reset. Establish a new norm. Set boundaries as far as bankroll management. Maybe grind 10/25 for awhile. Play in tournaments 10k and under. Sell some action if you wish. Slow down the roller coaster. Most of all, have fun. GL on HCL tonight. I wish you the best young man.
Love your vlogs and your authenticity, man. I wonder if there is a healthier, more balanced way to do this that you will end up loving more. For example, consistently crushing $5/10 and $10/20 cash games all over the world while making the dopest travel poker vlog ever. Or focusing on like $1,000 buy-in tournaments with a stupid high win rate. I don’t think you have to constantly raise the stakes past what your roll truly comfortably allows (or what your sanity/joy in your craft allows) in order to make amazing content and love what you’re doing. If you’re comparing yourself to the stakes other vloggers are playing, that’s probably not helpful either. Tbh, pushing the stakes isn’t what attracts me to you and your content—it’s your personality, your authenticity, your transparent re-evaluating of your decisions and desire to be a better person on and off the felt. You’re just a real dude and it’s easy to identify with your journey and feel inspired. Keep that stuff coming in a way that doesn’t drive you insane. All love and respect whatever you end up doing, I’ll keep following along on the journey man! 💙
Ethan, I think you've partially boxed yourself in. I've been on the journey with you from nearly the beginning. I think it's amazing what you've accomplished, but there is a potential downside. I simply can't watch your videos anymore unless there is a significant amount on the line....I can't imagine watching you play a 1/3 game and "put them to the test" with a $150 bet. It would be completely boring. By moving up so quickly, you've made it where I ONLY watch unless it's really high stakes.
I am jumping in here as well as I found my self playing online non stop. Being on a huge downswing the accessibility of playing online no matter if you have $10 or $10k to your name there’s cash games and tourneys you can play 24/7. I found myself feeling addicted always playing to build a roll. If you don’t reflect and remember your faith at times it’s easy to fall victim to addiction.
I ended up giving up online poker for lent the beats kept feeling worst and worst even at the lower stakes I was stressing although it was stakes 10x lower than my normal tournaments. a mentally I felt it was my faith showing my I am obsessing over the game and to take a step back.
Like rampage I’m back at the 1/2 stakes winning again and not playing online so it doesn’t have as many highs and lows. I realize playing 3+ tourneys online at a time tournaments only way to feel successful is to final table in my eyes where as cash cashing out anything double your buyin feels like a win.
Tldr: I gave up online poker for lent as I kept playing way to much. Now for lent I’m playing lower stakes live 1/2 live occasionally and slightly enjoying the game again. And feeling closer to my faith.
I just want to say, I’ve been in your situations. I have the same feeling playing those high stakes. I’ve even play as high as 100k tournament and 250k cash game and now after all those games, I think I was stupid to play that high at that time. I could do so much in this world beside gambling that much $ with no real income, no jobs, nothing to live for beside what is the next tournament, where do I go next.
Now that I’ve take quite long time to reflect on that (obviously also after a huge downswing of 7 figs) I’ve realized how mess up I am, I have to build/make something for myself rather than playing those game that just a number. Now I get same excitement playing 1/3. Trust the process, take some times off to think and recharge, see why/what do you really want to do and go from there.
Right now I’m a college student who plays poker until 8 am on the regular. Last night I lost $200 dollars at a card room and I could even feel anything. I skipped studying for my exam to go play, and for what? I kept asking my self in the car ride back to my dorm why didn’t I just study for my exam or go do something else that didn’t result me in losing over half my bank roll/account. It’s not like I made a bad play or anything, just variance. It’s hard not to be results oriented when so much of your money is on the table. I also struggle with self esteem issue’s especially when I lose, even if it’s not my fault. I have a fear of failure. But for some reason, through all the trials and tribulations, I still come back to the game. I have no reason why or how, but it keeps pulling me back.
Maybe my desire to win is greater than my fear of failure.
Dude, Poker 101: Bankroll Management. Don't put more than 1% (conservative) to 5% (aggressive) of your bankroll on the table. Slow and steady. What's the rush? It's not like you gotta win $ to make next month's rent.
I have had those moments of feeling stupid for dropping a few G's, and the "you know what i could have done with that money if I didn't lose it playing poker?!" thoughts.
But I'll tell you the same thing I eventually tell myself - I wouldn't have even HAD that money if it wasn't for poker.
Reminds me of an old joke my grandpa told me,
A guy wants to go to the track but his wife doesn't want him wasting money. So he finally gets her to be ok with it by convincing her he will only bring $2
He puts the $2 on a relative long shot and it hits! he gets 18
He puts that $18 in the 2nd race and wins again $128. Again he puts it all on a long shot in the 3rd
race and again wins $770!
He goes on a ridiculous heater and runs it up to over $500,000. He says this will be my last one, and puts it all on the favorite of the next race - and LOSES.
Stupefied, the man goes home and his wife asks him how it went. He says "meh, I lost the $2."
I think what you're doing is tough to handle mentally. I love the glory of tournaments but have always been a losing tournament player. I don't find the same thrill in cash games but am a lifetime winner in those games.
My only suggestion would be understand which avenue you prefer and put your focus into that. There are not a lot of great players who kill in cash and tournaments. Find which one you prefer and work towards cleaning up strategy before going back to the other format.
Honest thoughts coming from someone newer to the game, but with equal love for it. With my share of highs and lows relative to the stakes I can afford.. I notice when Poker becomes the only thing I’m wrapped up or passionate with during a time.. it becomes almost impossible to always play or give my best to it. I need a thing or two that I can equally put that work and effort/concern towards as well. It almost increases my luck when I can play and I respect my time playing more because I realize it’s not something I’m just routinely doing because I can.. idk you’re a beast man! But you have a lot of other opportunities live it up
I think everyone feels this way and it would be weird not to have these feelings when winning or losing large percentages of your bankroll. You are an admirable young man and I am certain you will figure out a balance. Love all the content Ethan, keep your head up.
Ethan Reading this type of reflections make players like me think about my own situation. The amount of money spent playing POKER between me and you is a lot different. I'm on a downswing of $3000 and for me to make that kind of money on my day to day work is really hard. At this moment I have to start all over again but first I have to get the money to be able to play again. When I see you playing for those huge amounts of money I wish I could have half of it to play with a peaceful mind. I'm always worrying about the money, but my passion for the game goes beyond everything in my life. You have made some kind of difference in my life, you're a truly human being that cares for people. I can tell you as a follower that you are one of the best inside and outside the game. I am grateful that you post things like this. I am learning a lot from you. I wish you the best and I hope that you can find all the answers that you are looking for. Keep grinding, keep looking for your own happiness in the game.
( I saw you last time you were down in FL Hardrock, you were sitting by yourself eating something before you entered the poker room, I wasn't sure if it was you or not, I just wanted to say hi and introduce myself and I didn't. I followed you to the tables and then I realized that it was you, shame on me. Wanted to take a picture with you. I guess next time we'll do.)
I’ve been crushing 1-3 cash games lately and playing on the HCL live stream is my dream. Ik stress comes with poker especially when you move up in stakes and really hope that when I move up I still enjoy the game as much as I do now. The QS I would have for you Ethan is, do you still enjoy the game as much as you did in your earlier poker career? If not, what changed and do you think it will ever be the same? Much love brother and don’t stress your self to much.
Ethan,
You and I are around the same age, I just turned 24. I work for a full time professional gambling group and would call the last two years in this group as super successful. We have these conversations extremely often.
I occasionally will play in high stakes home games in Chicago. Two nights ago I lost more than I’ve ever lost (30k+), by getting sucked out on over and over again. The most maddening thing was the rich guys I was playing with didn’t even notice or really care, they just had a “that’s gambling” mentality. That car ride back was awful.
The only thing that keeps me grounded through these events is my perspective on life, and my faith. Being a Christian is a huge part of my life. God has reassured me that if I make the choice, everything I do will be used for a purpose. And ultimately, I will join him in heaven one day. It’s also crucial to have guys around you who can see the situation with clarity while you’re in the middle of it.
I look back on other times I’ve felt this way, and God has always gotten me through it, and then some. It’s funny you talk about having $2000 in 1/2 because that’s exactly what I had when I started grinding in college. And I’ll never forget the night I lost every dollar of it. I’m so thankful that instead of doing something rash to make the money back, I clung to my faith.
Stay strong, and if it starts to take too much of a take on you it’s never wrong to take a break.
Joe
This is so insanely disingenuous. How about you talk about the high rake games you promote with the likes of Mariano on ClubGG which actually allow you to play these stakes? The million plus dollars you’ve bled from your fans and supporters. After all what better way to launder the money than to play high stakes poker on the biggest streams around. Make no mistakes, this is no different than the “pros” of yesteryear who’s full tilt sponsorship allowed them to gamble for the living that lead the masses to believe it was sustainable to travel the world playing 10k’s. Perhaps these feelings are actually your conscience that’s weighing heavy.
I'm a fan of your content. I admire your willingness and ability to move up in stakes so rapidly. Try a reset. Establish a new norm. Set boundaries as far as bankroll management. Maybe grind 10/25 for awhile. Play in tournaments 10k and under. Sell some action if you wish. Slow down the roller coaster. Most of all, have fun. GL on HCL tonight. I wish you the best young man.
Love your vlogs and your authenticity, man. I wonder if there is a healthier, more balanced way to do this that you will end up loving more. For example, consistently crushing $5/10 and $10/20 cash games all over the world while making the dopest travel poker vlog ever. Or focusing on like $1,000 buy-in tournaments with a stupid high win rate. I don’t think you have to constantly raise the stakes past what your roll truly comfortably allows (or what your sanity/joy in your craft allows) in order to make amazing content and love what you’re doing. If you’re comparing yourself to the stakes other vloggers are playing, that’s probably not helpful either. Tbh, pushing the stakes isn’t what attracts me to you and your content—it’s your personality, your authenticity, your transparent re-evaluating of your decisions and desire to be a better person on and off the felt. You’re just a real dude and it’s easy to identify with your journey and feel inspired. Keep that stuff coming in a way that doesn’t drive you insane. All love and respect whatever you end up doing, I’ll keep following along on the journey man! 💙
Ethan, I think you've partially boxed yourself in. I've been on the journey with you from nearly the beginning. I think it's amazing what you've accomplished, but there is a potential downside. I simply can't watch your videos anymore unless there is a significant amount on the line....I can't imagine watching you play a 1/3 game and "put them to the test" with a $150 bet. It would be completely boring. By moving up so quickly, you've made it where I ONLY watch unless it's really high stakes.
I am jumping in here as well as I found my self playing online non stop. Being on a huge downswing the accessibility of playing online no matter if you have $10 or $10k to your name there’s cash games and tourneys you can play 24/7. I found myself feeling addicted always playing to build a roll. If you don’t reflect and remember your faith at times it’s easy to fall victim to addiction.
I ended up giving up online poker for lent the beats kept feeling worst and worst even at the lower stakes I was stressing although it was stakes 10x lower than my normal tournaments. a mentally I felt it was my faith showing my I am obsessing over the game and to take a step back.
Like rampage I’m back at the 1/2 stakes winning again and not playing online so it doesn’t have as many highs and lows. I realize playing 3+ tourneys online at a time tournaments only way to feel successful is to final table in my eyes where as cash cashing out anything double your buyin feels like a win.
Tldr: I gave up online poker for lent as I kept playing way to much. Now for lent I’m playing lower stakes live 1/2 live occasionally and slightly enjoying the game again. And feeling closer to my faith.
Hi Rampage,
I just want to say, I’ve been in your situations. I have the same feeling playing those high stakes. I’ve even play as high as 100k tournament and 250k cash game and now after all those games, I think I was stupid to play that high at that time. I could do so much in this world beside gambling that much $ with no real income, no jobs, nothing to live for beside what is the next tournament, where do I go next.
Now that I’ve take quite long time to reflect on that (obviously also after a huge downswing of 7 figs) I’ve realized how mess up I am, I have to build/make something for myself rather than playing those game that just a number. Now I get same excitement playing 1/3. Trust the process, take some times off to think and recharge, see why/what do you really want to do and go from there.
Right now I’m a college student who plays poker until 8 am on the regular. Last night I lost $200 dollars at a card room and I could even feel anything. I skipped studying for my exam to go play, and for what? I kept asking my self in the car ride back to my dorm why didn’t I just study for my exam or go do something else that didn’t result me in losing over half my bank roll/account. It’s not like I made a bad play or anything, just variance. It’s hard not to be results oriented when so much of your money is on the table. I also struggle with self esteem issue’s especially when I lose, even if it’s not my fault. I have a fear of failure. But for some reason, through all the trials and tribulations, I still come back to the game. I have no reason why or how, but it keeps pulling me back.
Maybe my desire to win is greater than my fear of failure.
Dude, Poker 101: Bankroll Management. Don't put more than 1% (conservative) to 5% (aggressive) of your bankroll on the table. Slow and steady. What's the rush? It's not like you gotta win $ to make next month's rent.
I have had those moments of feeling stupid for dropping a few G's, and the "you know what i could have done with that money if I didn't lose it playing poker?!" thoughts.
But I'll tell you the same thing I eventually tell myself - I wouldn't have even HAD that money if it wasn't for poker.
Reminds me of an old joke my grandpa told me,
A guy wants to go to the track but his wife doesn't want him wasting money. So he finally gets her to be ok with it by convincing her he will only bring $2
He puts the $2 on a relative long shot and it hits! he gets 18
He puts that $18 in the 2nd race and wins again $128. Again he puts it all on a long shot in the 3rd
race and again wins $770!
He goes on a ridiculous heater and runs it up to over $500,000. He says this will be my last one, and puts it all on the favorite of the next race - and LOSES.
Stupefied, the man goes home and his wife asks him how it went. He says "meh, I lost the $2."
I think what you're doing is tough to handle mentally. I love the glory of tournaments but have always been a losing tournament player. I don't find the same thrill in cash games but am a lifetime winner in those games.
My only suggestion would be understand which avenue you prefer and put your focus into that. There are not a lot of great players who kill in cash and tournaments. Find which one you prefer and work towards cleaning up strategy before going back to the other format.
Gambling addiction is real, get some help and talk to a therapist
Honest thoughts coming from someone newer to the game, but with equal love for it. With my share of highs and lows relative to the stakes I can afford.. I notice when Poker becomes the only thing I’m wrapped up or passionate with during a time.. it becomes almost impossible to always play or give my best to it. I need a thing or two that I can equally put that work and effort/concern towards as well. It almost increases my luck when I can play and I respect my time playing more because I realize it’s not something I’m just routinely doing because I can.. idk you’re a beast man! But you have a lot of other opportunities live it up
I think everyone feels this way and it would be weird not to have these feelings when winning or losing large percentages of your bankroll. You are an admirable young man and I am certain you will figure out a balance. Love all the content Ethan, keep your head up.
Ethan Reading this type of reflections make players like me think about my own situation. The amount of money spent playing POKER between me and you is a lot different. I'm on a downswing of $3000 and for me to make that kind of money on my day to day work is really hard. At this moment I have to start all over again but first I have to get the money to be able to play again. When I see you playing for those huge amounts of money I wish I could have half of it to play with a peaceful mind. I'm always worrying about the money, but my passion for the game goes beyond everything in my life. You have made some kind of difference in my life, you're a truly human being that cares for people. I can tell you as a follower that you are one of the best inside and outside the game. I am grateful that you post things like this. I am learning a lot from you. I wish you the best and I hope that you can find all the answers that you are looking for. Keep grinding, keep looking for your own happiness in the game.
( I saw you last time you were down in FL Hardrock, you were sitting by yourself eating something before you entered the poker room, I wasn't sure if it was you or not, I just wanted to say hi and introduce myself and I didn't. I followed you to the tables and then I realized that it was you, shame on me. Wanted to take a picture with you. I guess next time we'll do.)
Hope the best for you friend.
I’ve been crushing 1-3 cash games lately and playing on the HCL live stream is my dream. Ik stress comes with poker especially when you move up in stakes and really hope that when I move up I still enjoy the game as much as I do now. The QS I would have for you Ethan is, do you still enjoy the game as much as you did in your earlier poker career? If not, what changed and do you think it will ever be the same? Much love brother and don’t stress your self to much.